Archive for May, 2010

Zombies vs. “Zombies”

Posted in Uncategorized on May 28, 2010 by chachisays

Intro: This post is the second of two that I started while bored out of my gourd on election day.

Also a brief explanation of the domain name change here at what used to be chachisays.com. I forgot to change the notice email address with my provider when consolidating email accounts. Never saw that my domain was up for renewal and therefore didn’t know until a week after it had lapse. When I went to get it renewed, it had been snatched. so unfortunately chachisays.com as we knew it no longer lives. I’m trying to decide if I should bother with a new domain name or just keep it chachisays.wordpress.com . so until further notice just use it.

If you’re reading this then more then likely you live in or around pittsburgh, or have at one point or  im completely wrong and you are a straggler off the interwebz that took a wrong turn during a detour.(if so WELCOME! and what you want to do is head back the way you came, once you get to the serious looking rodent video hang a left. if you reach the hampster dance, you’ve gone too far.)

Now, recognizing the awesomeness of this fair city, we know where zombies as we know them originated.

After many a discussion that ends with me calling someone a dummy head, pouting and stomping away in a fit.(that’s how I roll in debates yo.) I decided to post my thoughts on zombies.

Zombies

Now, you’ll notice that I’m using quotes around one of the zombies. I’ll cover that later if you don’t figure it out by yourself first.

zom·bie –noun

1.(in voodoo)  the body of a dead person given the semblance of life, but mute and will-less, by a supernatural force, usually for some evil purpose.

2. Informal.

a  person whose behavior or responses are wooden, listless, or seemingly rote; automaton.

b. an eccentric or peculiar person.

Now, that is the true definition of the word zombie, and we can use some of that definition to explain where im going with this.  mainly the part that says.

“:a  person whose behavior or responses are wooden, listless, or seemingly rote; automaton”

add the word reanimated and we have ourselves a zombie. We have a leg dragging, slow moving, drooling gargling barely functioning being.  Even in the beginning of theories or stories of reanimation the being was barely capable of walking. (i.e. Frankenstein.)

Yes, it is not reanimation in the same sense as Frankenstein’s monster but reanimation either way.

This means that they were dead and decaying and were brought back to life.  So that breaks down the muscles and makes them stiff and weak. Making them the leg draggers we know and love.  The one true zombie.

upon death the body proceeds to immediately shut down…. blah blah blah general science knowledge blah blah blah. being reanimated doesn’t mean that your body instantly repairs that break down.

So this is why Romero’s zombies could happen. And why you should always be prepared for the Zombie Apocalypse.

“Zombies”

Here is the part where I said I would explain the quotes. The zombies in all these new fangled zombie flicks are not zombies. Not true zombies at least. I realize that it makes it more exciting for the viewers and everything, but they are imposters.  The above science knowledge dropped on you discredits these imposters as not being real zombies.

Although the movies are extremely enjoyable for the most part just not right.

Lets Recap why these arent zombies.

Zombies can run: False

Zombies can jump: False

Zombies can think: false.

Now because I want you to all be prepared here is a link to the Zombie Apocalypse Survival guide. Read it, learn it, apply it.

http://books.google.com/books?id=4mcT7A371xQC&printsec=frontcover&dq=zombie+survival+guide&source=bl&ots=nYPi6PYR9W&sig=eTO1FgfGXZoce07ESIFXdEgeNIk&hl=en&ei=rsH_S66rD8P88Ab0qvDBCQ&sa=X&oi=book_result&ct=result&resnum=5&ved=0CEQQ6AEwBA#v=onepage&q&f=false

Chachi Says: Knowledge dropped. And remember kids, when the Zombies come for you, its every person for themselves. team work wont help you here. and Yes, I Am An Expert.

Chachi vs. The Blue Hairs.

Posted in Uncategorized on May 24, 2010 by chachisays

Prelude

(We join a day already in progress)

November 3rd, 2009.

Our hero leaves the bus and departs for home. Ah, but what’s this he remember, why ’tis election day. So instead of going straight home our smart ass protagonist heads first to his designated polling place.  There is never a line the poll in his ‘hood. Ever. He flies through the line and gets to the machine. He never stops to talk to the blue haired ladies guarding the almighty vote station, he has a fear they just want him to get off their lawn and he really doesn’t want to hear it. So our hero rushes to the machine. it brings the ballot and he is voting away, But wait… Whats this? Empty spots? it cannot be.  He decides to write himself in for 4 empty spots. All different positions and all bound to have more votes than just one for other people.

Fast forward a month.

Once again, we catch our hero as he is arriving home from work. He grabs his mail, and says “Huh, I wonder what these can be.” as he notices that not one but two envelopes from the county election board addressed to him are in his pile of daily mail. He grabs a drink and retires to his recliner, mail in hand. He proceeds to open it and recap his day with his housemates. Then in an instant breaks out in a fit of laughter. The housemates question what could be so suddenly funny. He thrust the paper in their hands and continues laughing. As they read they too begin to laugh. For what arrived was a notice of election. The hero’s one vote won him, not one but TWO positions.

Three days later.

He goes to a notary( a friend’s house.) together they make it official and send it back to the county board. He selects the Judge of Elections position.

Months later:

The county calls Our hero to schedule the training class and to make sure he will work. He agrees.

This past Tuesday:

( I’m done doing a narrative now. even I got annoyed.)

So being told I have to be somewhere at 6 am means I get up way early. I like to wide awake before I arrive at my destination so I get up early to ensure this happens. I finally crawled out of bed at about 4:45 am, did the morning s’s (shower and shave). I get some coffee and I watch the news. (real exciting, I know. )  I pack up all the supplies I was giving so that I can walk down to the polling place and 2 minutes later, I’m there.

As instructed I start with the setup process, rearranging the room and putting equipment in place. The first of my board shows up 10 mins late. I don’t mind because she’s sweet and spends 5 mins apologizing for over sleeping. This is fine. She gets right to work and she’s fantastic. 30 mins after that all but one of the rest show up. Don’t apologize and then laugh at my feeble attempt at breakfast, but there’s not a bakery in my neighborhood.

So I brought in “boxed donuts” as she called them. However she proceeded to eat three of them while not doing anything.

Then polls open, everything is fine. No problems at all, despite the side comments about me I tried my best to stay calm. Although did learn quickly that im not allowed to do anything. I am supposed to sit there and wait for any issues to pop  up. BORING! I read three wired magazines and took a nap. (kidding about the nap. )

Lunch time arrived: They ordered from a restaurant called  Pisano’s a place I know well. All 5 of them look at the menu hand over money and proceed to make the call. But they skipped me. Not until they were already on the phone did I become a thought. Fuck ’em. I went home, grabbed a book and a tablet. That’s where this post and another post started.

I read half of my book, and wrote halves of two posts. It was from this point on that I started watching the clock and ignoring the blue hairs.

8 pm: Time to close. Luckily this went well. they help a lot and got shit done. I packed it all up and delivered it downtown to be home by 9 and beat as hell.

Chachi Says: By the end of the day I had decided to not do this again for the rest of my term. which is completely legal and I have the right to choose. However, after more thought I decided that I would not quit and that I would defeat these old ladies. Victory will be mine.